| i dunno i was flippin bored (my answers are interesting ..maybe ull learn sumthin |
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| 01:38pm 24/05/2005 |
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mood:  gloomy
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(x) smoked a cigarette
(x ) smoked a cigar
(x ) smoked a joint
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
(x ) been dumped
(x ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight
(x ) snuck out of your parent's house
( ) been arrested
(x ) made out with a stranger
( ) gone on a blind date
(x ) had a crush on a teacher
( ) been to Europe
(x) skipped school
(x) seen someone die
( ) been to Canada
(x) been to Mexico
( ) been on a plane
(x) seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) thrown up in a bar
(x ) purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) eaten Sushi
(x ) been snowboarding
(x ) met someone in person from the internet
( ) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken pain killers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) made a snow angel
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
( ) gone puddle jumping
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x ) cheated while playing a game
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake id
(x) felt an earthquake
( ) touched a snake
(x) been tickled
(x) been misunderstood
(x) petted a reindeer/goat
(x) won a contest
( ) run a red light
(x) been suspended from school
(x) been in a car accident
( ) had braces
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
(x) hated the way you look
( ) witnessed a crime
(x) pole danced
(x ) been obsessed with post-it notes
( ) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sung karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls when you were younger
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire on the beach.
(x) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey
(x ) worn pearls
(x ) jumped off a bridge
(x) screamed penis in public
(x) ate dog/cat food
(x ) have a little black dress
(x) had a dream that you married someone
(x ) glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
( ) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sex's clothes
(x) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
(x ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x ) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
(x ) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house in elementry
(x) are scared to watch scary movies
(x ) believe in ghosts
(x ) have more than 30 pairs of shoes
(x ) gone streaking
(x) pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on
(x) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
( ) caught a fish
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test
(x) forgotten someone's name
(x) slept naked
(x ) French braided someone's hair
( ) grown a beard
( ) belong to the KKK
(x) rule at life |
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| 01:21pm 23/05/2005 |
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mood:  bouncy
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myspace is taking over hahah i swared i would never get one and now im becoming a myspace junkie
oh god
sry for neglecting u all read my myspace though its so sexy
email=brezzer555@cs.com |
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| 01:34pm 11/05/2005 |
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wellwell well i know most of u dont read tis or care ne ways but i got a new cat it was a surprise it was waiting for me when i got home its the cutest thing .. after my last cat died i never thought that id like a nother cat again but i do. its a girl and she is white with light grey ears and a tail and a really pink mouth. i named her SNOW PIE hehe
okay another importanat thing i wanted to say was i just got into another fight with tony ... i have not had one single day that i havent fought with him since we got back frum spring vacationm its gototen to the point where he blames me for evereything and he even screams im fuking scared..i dont know what to do becaus ei love him somuch but i cant go on like this for much long i justwant to scream..i feel like beating the shitout of him forhow angry he makes me. |
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| my myspace is sexy look at it and be my frined |
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| 01:56pm 09/05/2005 |
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mood:  calm
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heheh whats up you guys wellim in computer class right now and its really broing i feellike head shooting myself hahah
welli have finally completely crossed over in to the myspace world hehe i had romella and james make it pretty for me and for that im very happy hehehe chekit out
its breanne_ hehe well theres nuthing to much going on lifes kinda boring right now i feellike im a big fat cow but what else is new..
its really cold today and i didn't bring a jacket and i was in my rotc uniform and i really wanted to change after inspection so i just put on this like tiny littl skirt i brought now im freezing
i really need a cigarette!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
o yah yestreday was mothers day and my mom got mad and left it was funnny but then later we came back and i made her a card and she watched that elvs movie and it was pretty good so were cool
well luv ya alls |
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| 05:23pm 01/05/2005 |
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god so depressed and i cant get out of it... i have a real issue iwth just letiing things go..i fucked up to ..i slipped god damn.. i am so ashamed of myself i cant even answer any ones phone calls.. |
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| 07:53pm 30/04/2005 |
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well well softballs going really good we won our game 18-7 i scoredd 3 times and i brought 2 people home so yeah it was good
lifes okay iv been depressed lateltly o dont know why i think its cuz 3 days ago i cheked my messages on my ceel phone and it was brents mom and she was like " hi bre this is brents mom i think its great your not calling ne more" click
i started crying and i cried for three days and slept for three days it fuking amazes me how some one who doesnt even know me and who is suposed to be like a gorwn up hates me so much i find it weird ..im the one who has like all a's and stuff and sum b's im the one whos doing good and her kid like goes to continuation school and stuff hmm i dont get her way of thinking but even though i know im doing good it still makes me sad..i think ill go back to sleep now bye yall luv you peoples
all my frineds who read this u mean alot to me thnx for being there always |
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| 05:43pm 24/04/2005 |
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therea a naked black kid dancing on tv for a nike c0mercial..hmm tv is becoming very c0ruptful..
last night i saw this add for a cd and it was like jamin hiph0p and i sware i smelt weed..i think it wasa sublimital message..either that 0r im g0ing crazy
t0day was s0 b0ring i watched mtv which i never watch and then i dyed my hair ...l00ks the same really nuthing interesting
im b0red 0ut 0f my mind and yeah...
i feel unhealthy..like i feel nt nesisarily sick like i have a c0ld but like unhealthy i guess im n0t eating eno0ugh healthy f00d 0r i just have been t00 stressed with sch00l cuz i have all a's and b's in everything exept math s0 im trying t0 keep that up and als0 pick up my math grade... 0r i dunn0 i have just been d0ing t0 much exercise 0r sm0king t0 much .. but i feel like i need t0 drink sum 0range juice but even that didnt w0rk ...(i tired)well yeah i better g0 get ready f0r my meeting
sry f0r this p0intless update i just feel like typing becasue im am enj0ing thwe s0und the keys make
their like click clck click click click click
hey type click again and again it gets confusing after a while hehe
0 feel like a crackhead minus the crack 0kay im late g0t t0 g0
much luv sexy bitches |
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| 08:45pm 23/04/2005 |
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the last tw0 days all I ate was a banana and a 0range juice and a coke with lime. Smoking on an empty stomach is nauseating i feel bla..
my life is neither exiting nor boring ..i g0t four pairs 0f sh0es t0day..whop whop
we w0n 0ur s0ftball game t0day.. and im pissed becasue i broke my catchers mask though wich in itself is pretty gay but owell. I have this damn red ink sp0t 0n my hand that f0r the fuking life 0f me w0nt cum 0ff.
my alergies kill. I hate the damn stand up comedians 0n tv. there n0t even fuking funny
but omg ..mine and TONYS 6TH MONTH ANIVERSARY IS TUESDAY!!!!!
god w0w im pr0ud 0f myself 6 m0nths and alth0ugh i have pissed him off fuking infamous am0unts 0f times iv never been unfaithful t0 that b0y n0r have i intenionally hurt him. He means the world to me. hes my life
he is the only 0ne i can be truely comf0ratable around. the 0nly 0ne wh0s arms can be wrapped around me and make me feel totally and completely safe fr0m harm..
i l0ve you baby !!!
im reading this really interesting b00k its by my fav. auth0r but its kinda confusing..
"he bent his head and pulled off his t-shirt. his body was lithe and brown,his shoulders slightly huched.He turned his back to mee and i saw what was hidden there pressed damp and matted against his shoulder blades. The shabby soiled once white feathers hung limply. My tears poured out of me and he drank them down his throat. He drank them in gulps deep into himself,swal0wing s0rr0w.
"someday,"he said,"when we are ready i will give you back your tears."
when i l00ked up he was g0ne i th0ught 0f the wongs. were the false 0r were they real? they were beating inside 0f me"
i kn0w weird..i cant figure it 0ut.. |
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| me0w im s0 like tired frum my week that n0w im 0verly tired and cant g0 t0 bed !!! |
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| 11:51pm 15/04/2005 |
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mood:  awake music: ramstein
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im talking t0 my luvely devin and he is my bestest friend 0n this planet and galaxy HEHE HE SAYS HI
well any ways havent updated in a while and since i was updating like evryday f0r a while u all pr0bably th0ught i died hehe well ..guess ur 0ut 0f luck pe0ple i didnt i have just been s000 incredibly 0verwhelmed and busy ..
heres my hectic weekly life
MONDAY: i g0 t0 sch00l and then i cum h0me and g0 t0 a N.A. meeting ends at like 8 cum h0me and d0 h0mew0rk until 1030 and take a sh0wer i get t0 bed at like 11:00
TUESDAY: sch00l then catcher and pitcher practice frum 330 t0 630 then h0me at 7 ,..h0mew0rk until 10:00
WENSDAY:sch00l.. regular practice f0r s0ftball(with h0le team) ends at 700 h0me at 730 ..h0mew0rk until 10..
THURSDAY: sch00l then therapy ends at 8 ..h0mew0rk until 11:00
FRIDAY: sch00l..h0me ..h0mew0rk..meeting ends at 11 h0me at 1130 .. well its friday and im still awake right n0w and its 12 s0 yeah i g0 t0 bed at different times this night
SATURDAY: wake up .. batting practice 9:00 game starts at 10:00 ends at 11.30... hang 0ut at the feild f0r a few h0urs and tHen an0ther game at 2:00..ends at 3:30
sunday: hang 0ut.. clean ..church ..yada yada ..relax (finally 0ne day)
THEN SUNDAY NIGHT: i g0 t0 an0ther meeting and that ends at night then i cum h0me (10:00) and take sh0wer get ready f0r the same 0l again hehe
g0d f0r s0 l0ng i c0mplained ab0ut having n0 life n0 im t00 freking busy..thnk g0d f0r red bulls..and r0ckstars hehe
0 ud be pr0ud 0f me im still dieting and im d0ing fuking s0 much exercise i d0nt kn0w h0w i manage it with sm0king a pack a day but i d0 hehe
0mg devin u sexy .big br0ther .fluffly p00dle 0f mine which i care ab0ut s0 deeply..i am s00000000 pr0ud 0f u f0r kiking ass and making armed c0mmander even th0ugh its ur first year.. dude u fuking r0ck my s00ck i luv u and ur always here f0r me adn visa versa ur seris0usly like my br0ther.. and i cant beliveve u g0t the j0b bef0re the pe0ple wh0 have been 0n the tem f0r three years ..
fuck luv y0u |
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| take the time a nd really read this |
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| 05:27pm 02/04/2005 |
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mood:  M0RE THAN NE 0NE C0ULD KN0W
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If ur taking the time t0 read this then that sh0ws u are a g00d frined... if ur 0ne 0f the pe0ple wh0 gets lazy and just c0mments t0 c0mment 0r d0esnt c0mment at all then y0ur the "FRIEND" that really needs t0 read this
I am S0 FAR FR0M PERFECT.. BUT I HAVE NEVER BEEN M0RE 0KAY WITH THAT .
I have kn0wn s0 many pe0ple I 0nce called friends ..th0usands fr0m the time I was little until n0w.. 0nly a handful have stuck it 0ut with me and pr0ved t0 be true true friends. T0 s0me that might seem sad, but t0 me it makes me s0 happy ..( it explains m0re ) keep reading
0kay:
I was talking t0 melissa last night and we were having 0ne 0f 0ur really g00d talks and u kn0w what I realized ...I am 0ver and really fucked up part 0f my life. And yes I say fuked up becasue thats what it was.. I'm n0t making it seem ne better 0r ne w0rse.Many 0f u d0nt kn0w even a tiny percent n0r d0 u need t0 becasue that is n0t what is imp0rtant its what iv leavened becasue 0f it..
yeah ur always reading 0r hearing me say that my grades are better ( n0t better actully g00d great like 4A's),I get al0ng with my m0m g00d ,n0 cutting ,n0 p0t,.. yada yada yada and ur pr0babaly like "well then whys she writing it again" well this time its an0ther huge thing..
see, ever since like elementry through just like a few m0nths ag0 I always said "I d0nt care what pe0ple think 0f me", and it was true I mean ..If my hair was a certain c0l0r 0r I dressed a certain way ..and I liked it but sum 0ne else DiDNt I'd be like what ever.. but it always was in the back 0f my head
EVEVN TH0UGH URPR0BABLY REALLY L0ST IT IS C0NFUSING BY TRY T0 UNDERUNDERSTAND THAT EVEN TH0UGH UR THINKING.. "if it stuck in her head ,then 0bvi0sly she cared what they th0ught 0f her". ```BUT SEE ```... I didnt care what the th0ught 0f me AS A PERS0N ..they c0uld call me a bitch 0f ugly 0r fat behind my back It w0uldnt matter ,becasue ,all these pe0ple I was trying t0 impress ,by being s0 untrue t0 myself ,WERE JUST PE0PLE I PUT IN MY LIFE T0 MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS WANTED.I DDINT LIKE THEIR PERS0NALTIES I DDINT LIKE EVEN HALF 0F THEM. (AND D0NT ASSUME IM TALKING AB0UT NE 0NE BECASUE IM N0T). S0ME MAY THINK IM LIKEAN EVIL BITCH F0R D0ING THAT BUT IT WAS JUST THAT I s0 insecure with myself at the time that I wanted t0 feel like I bel0nged..EVEN IF THEY HATED ME. I D0NT EXPECT U T0 UNDERSTAND, BUT it d0es mean al0t t0 me if u did
U MIGHT ALL BE REALLY C0NFUSED as t0 why i am g0ing IN T0 THIS NEGATIVETY WHEN IM TRYING T0 EXPLAIN WHY I AM S0 HAPPY but .. the reAs0n why I becasue I JUST REALIZED
I D0NT need t0 pretend ANYM0RE! IM D0NT NEED T0 BE UNTRUE T0 MYSELF T0 FEEL ACCEPTED ,BECASE THE TRUE FRIENDS I HAVE N0W LUV ME THR0UGH EVERY FAZE I WENT THR0UGH. THEY WERE THERE TH0RUGH EVERY C0L0R HAIR I HAD ,EVERY IDI0T THING I DID. eVERYTHING !!G00D AND BAD !!
and the friends I have n0w d0nt talk shit behind my back
IF U STILL D0NT GET IT :````````THE REAS0N I AM S0 HAPPY**** IS BECASUE U CANT P0SIBLY UNDERSTAND H0W GREAT 0F A FEELING IT IS T0 REALIZE U D0NT HAVE T0 PRETEND ANY M0RE.```````
AND I NEED T0 MAKE MTHING VERY CLEAR.. when I say frined I d0nt mean every0ne 0n my buddy list 0r frineds list because sum 0f u I c0nsider a frined..like ill say hi t0 u but i kn0w u d0nt like me because u judge me and I d0nt care..(at least n0t any m0re) . AND im n0t talking about all U WH0 I SAY HI T0 JUST SUM . BECASUE sum 0f u are my true frines but I d0nt talk t0 u as much as I like becasue 0f things like highsch00l is hard and Iv had t0 c0ncentrate 0n imp0rtand aspects 0f my imediate life.but th0se 0f u wh0 are my true unc0ndit0nal frineds kn0w wh0 u are N0T BECASUE I had t0 nesisarily tell u either.. u kn0w it ..becasue u kn0w in y0ur heart if u judge me and talk crap ..and u kn0w if ur 0ne 0f the pe0ple wh0I tried t0 impress
see even as u read this (if ur n0t a true friend) ur m0st likely thinking 0r saying "why is she wasting 0ur time with this" but u kn0w what?It has nuthign t0 d0 with y0u N0THING at all ..
I am writing this f0r my 0wn self becasue it has been s0 l0ng since Ic0uld h0nestly say I was c0mf0ratable with me .. and im n0t talking ab0ut l00ks and 0uter apperences im talking ab0ut my inner self WICH is a big step BECASUE i was unhappy f0r a l0ng time ..witch is why I said I am finally 0ver the fuked up part 0f my life...
and the reas0n im typing this n0w and n0t like f9ve m0nths ag0 when i started feeling this way is becasue it just hit me smaked dab in the face ...i mean the pr00f that it ..ina c0uple 0f ways these last like 3 days..
(ex) sum pers0n wh0 is my frined (just n0t cl0se) IMed me and accused me 0f talking shit ab0ut her friend that I didnt even kn0w..
it was s0 crazy h0w this ddint even phase me. Many 0f u are like "well why sh0uld it? u didnt even kn0w the girl." Y0u are right f0r thinking that, th0ugh, becasue it never sh0uld have but if that happened last year I w0uld have flipped 0ut..f0r the simple fact that it w0uld mean less pe0ple 0n my s0 called "gr0up 0f friends" S0 EVEN TH0UGH I sh0uld have been n0t w0rrying al0ng if sumthign like that happened ..THATS N0T WHAT I HAVE T0 F0CUS 0N I HAVE T0 INSTAD F0CUS 0N MY PR0GRESS 0F SELF W0RTH.
I might be t0tally c0nfusing u but I kn0w like melissa will understand and I dunn0 maybe 0thers t0.. BUT THAT WAS LIKE A TEST F0R ME I still have bad days WHERE i d0 dislike myself but i kn0w THAT WHAT MY BRAIN TRY T0 MAKE ME BELIEVE ISNT TRUE N I GET 0VER IT .I have c0me al0ng way. I MEAN , h0w amazing it is f0r mE T0 have realized...that IT IS JUST N0T P0SSIBLE T0 MAKE EVERY0NE HAPPY.. F0r me Its s0 hard becuase I always th0ught I c0uld..PLEASE EVERY0NE .If pe0ple dIDNT like my fatnes I c0uld l00se weight n0w that i have l0st liek ten p0unds ALL ITS MADE ME REALIZE THAT M0ST PE0PLE I KN0W THINK ITS T0 MUCH .(N0 HAPPY MEDIUM) AND IT DINT MAKE A DIFFERENCE BECASUE THERE ARE ALWAYS PE0PLE WH0 ARE SKINNER JUST LIKE THERES ALWAYS PE0PLE FATTER.S0 EVEN N0RMALLY THAT W0ULD BE S0 FUSTRATING BECASUE ID FEEL LIKE I WAS NEVER SATISFYING N0W MATTER WHAT I D0..!@#@#THAT ISNT H0W I THINK N0W !!! !@#@!#@#
NSTEADI AM D0ING EVERYTHIGN F0R MYSELF..WHICH IS THE WAY IT SH0ULD HAVE ALAYS BEEN .. N0W AND I HAVE A SMALL GR0UP 0F FRINEDS AND AT FIRST IT WAS HARD AND I DDINT LIKE IT BECASUE THAT WAS N0T WHAT I WAS USED T0 AT ALL
BUT N0W I W0ULDNT WANT IT ANY 0THER WAY BECASUE AT LEAST I KN0W THAT THEY ARE TRUE ... AND 0NE 0F THERE HEARTS EQUALS LIKE A ZILLI0N 0F UNTRUE 0NES. |
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| uh sum pe0ple irritae me s0 fuking much |
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| 08:03pm 30/03/2005 |
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~~~L0ve~~~
is a subject and an idea but most MAINLY it is an EMOTION
and u can n0t teach sum 0ne t0 FEEL sumthing they have t0 d0 it on there 0wn and because i kn0w that and becasue Iam IN L0ve with t0ny (even th0ugh sum pe0ple might n0t think s0 )
i D0 KN0W that it is p0ssible t0 be in l0ve at 14 .. and i d0nt accuse pe0ple 0f lying when they say they are in l0ve n0w..but i just d0nt see h0w they c0uld fuking be all like "i am in l0ve with SO - and S0 and i really am g0ing t0 be with them f0rever" 0ne j0urnal entry ...and then the next be like "0k well me and BLANK br0ke up... but omg this guy at sch00l t0day g0t my number t0gether and hes s0 h0t and c00l" ect..
it b0thers me s0 much becasue its like pe0ple like them wh0 make teenage relati0nships get there reputati0n and they wreck it f0r the very few pe0ple wh0 really are in luv ..
all im trying t0 say is ...al0th0ugh it is p0ssible..t0 be i l0ve..ur 0bvi0usly n0t if u terat breking up like a mother fuking br0ken nail ... |
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| 07:22pm 30/03/2005 |
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mood: awake music: a perfect circle
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hey i havent updated in a while life is boring ...
today i l0st tonys ring becasue i t00k it 0ff t0 sh0w him that it was craking and i guess i dr0ped it 0n accident when i put it in my purse(i ddint want it t crack more)
im fuking pissed but m0stly sad i had that ring on f0r 4 m0nths straight my finger feels naked
g0d pe0ple are fuking annoying and dumb sumtimes.. thell like call u 0r ask u out 0f n0 where if you have shit with 0ne 0f thee frineds ..
hahah that just happened t0 me and i was like .." what i have shit with wh0" .. and the were like ..."(BLANK)"
and i was like "dude iv only herd that name once i havent even seen a pic 0f her but what ever"
h0nestly i thought that wh0le y0u have shit with who bullshit was left in middle sch00l guess n0t |
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| IM BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAck !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and it was the BEST vacation EVER!!! |
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| 05:24pm 26/03/2005 |
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well omg the trip with tony was fuking soooooooooo flippin fun
we did soooo much fun shit
we went with sum friends of tonys parents and they had like this nice villa place where we stayed most of the time then at night we'd go back .. to our hotel .. i had to sleep with tonys lil bother but tony slept on the floor next to me and held my hand at night lol it was sweet...
we mostly just kiked back and ate
MONDAY: the car ride was interesting beacsue everyoen was sick ( cough cough thnx tony) when we got there we cheked into our hotel and then we drove to tonys parents friends villa. We just stayed at the house that day and watched movies.
TUESDAY: that was really fun we went to like this z00 thing and it was really k00l they had all these cute little desert animals. then we went back to the villa and we swam .. just me and tony and his brother we made his brother go away like in the p00l and then OMG TONY FULFILLED MY FANTASY IN THE JACUZZI IT WAS SO FUKING INCREDIBLE HAHAHA we stayed there until night then went back and watched more movies..( in between we ate f00d of couse )
WENSDAY: we went smimmming all day and YES TONY AND ME ..hmm cough cough***. hey and did u no it is possible to give bl0w j0bs underwater..? lmfao . then every one left the villa to g0 sh0pping on there own and we had the key so yeah me and tony "hung out". In the night we went and saw robots and believe me that fuking m0vie is fuking knee slappin crack up haha( the names piper..ryms with viper.. sssssssss) lol haha well then we went back to our h0tel..
THURSDAY: Ahh we were forced to take jonny ( tonys lil borther .. .*11 years* ) to sum like game thign it was lame.. u pay like ten d0llars and u get to play games like basket ball and badmitten and stuff all day .. g0lf.. yada yada it was lame but it was fun t0 .. we all g0t like attacked by red ants and had like 10 candy bars haha
that night we went sh0pping.. i got a new pair of high flip flop black sh0es..a new dikies black purse tw0 belly button rings., and a sweater. then we went to dairy queen and i had sum big black blizzard penut butter recess thing it was freking yummy haha
FIRDAY: we stayed all day swimming again we went to a different p0ol though and they had like this bar thing and i had smoothies and virgin pin'a colad.we stayed at the big p00l until like 2 then we came back and the growenups wanted to go out t0 lunch but tony and i already ate s0 we stayed and yeah .. haha ,, again ,,then we went t0 the p00l again and yeah in the jacuzi again hahhahahaha then they g0t back and we came inside we dried off and watched shark tail it was funny to ..(forget about it) then we packed up are stuff and we headed home but we stoped off at this like 150store sh00ping place and we were there for like 2 hours i got sum make up and tony was joking cuz he was like god make up is expensive id l00k like a tomboy if i was a girl .. well we wer'nt with his parents while we sh0pped there but we met up with them half way tonys dad told him to get the car and move it acrss this big parking l0t thing and he did AND I WAS IN THE CAR AND IT WAS LIKE THE BIGGEST FUKING TURN EVER.. AND THEN AFTER THAT WE STAYED IN THE CAR AND YEAH AND TONY SAYS INM THE QUEEN AT A CERTAIN SUMTHIGN HE SAYS THAT IT FEELS T00 GOOD LOL
after that we drove home it was like 11 when i got home and i was to lazy to update then so im doing it now
omg it was like i was living with tony we were togwether constanly for like 5 days haha and i didnt even get annoyed i even used his razor hehe it was like we were married now im having withdrawls frum him lol
omg even though it was fun i gained five pounds bla all i did i was eat like sooo much but whaever tony saw me in a bathign suit the wh0le time and he like permantley had a boner so i guess i couldnt have l00ked that bad lol
well i missed ya all luv ya .. im glad im back |
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Read 20 - Post |
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| im going to miss u all i wont be able to post until friday or saturday so ahve a fun spring break |
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| 11:14am 21/03/2005 |
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hey well im off im leaving in like an hour im h0ping to cum back with a tan lol im sick of being s0 damn white lol.. i hope i dont scare people off with my fatness haha they'll see me and be like" hey who invited the whale to swim with us" lol
haha i hope iv packed enough well got to go
call me on my cell phone if u need me luv ya all
oh and ps... lion king 1 1/2 is the worste fuking movie |
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| yeah i thought id take one of these stupid quizzes well i got to go pack for palm springs rite now |
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| 12:20pm 20/03/2005 |
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mood:  lazy music: i duno sum 90' shit on kroq
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[x ] I am bisexual or homosexual.
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[x] I've run away from home.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[ ] I don't like Bush because from what I hear, he is dumb.
[ ] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[x] I am for Bush.
[ ] I listen to political music.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I watch the news.
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[ ] I own an iPod or MP3
[x] I own something from Hot Topic
[x] I love Disney Movies.
[x] I am a sucker for hair/eyes
[x] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I curse regularly.
[ ] I paid for that cell phone ring.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[x] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[x] I've slipped out an "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam.
[ ] I bake well.
[x] I would wear pajamas to school.
[x] I own something from Abercrombie.
[ ] I have a job.
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[x] I am in love with love.
[x] I am guilty oF tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I am self conscious.
[x] I like to laugh.
[x] I smoke a pack a day.
[ ] I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower.
[x] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[x] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I have many scars.
[ ] I've been out of this country.
[x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[x] I see a therapist.
[x] I love chocolate.
[x] bite my nails.
[sometimes] I am comfortable with being me.
[ ] I play video games.
[ ] I'm single
[x] I'm in a relationship
[x] Gotten lost in your city.
[x] Saw a shooting star
[ ] Been to any other countries besides the united states
[ ] Had a serious Surgery
[x] Gone out in public in your pajamas
[x] Kissed a Stranger
[x] Hugged a stranger
[x] Been in a fist fight
[ ] Been arrested
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[x] Made out in an elevator
[x] Swore at your parents
[x] Kicked a guy where it hurts
[x] Been close to love
[x] Been to a casino
[ ] Been skydiving
[x] Broken a bone
[x] Skipped school
[x] Flashed someone
[x] Saw a therapist
[x] Done the splits
[x] Played spin the bottle
[ ] Gotten stitches
[x] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
[x] Bitten someone
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls
[ ] Gotten the chicken pox
[x] Kissed a member of the same sex
[ ] Crashed into a friend's car
[ ] Been to Japan
[x] Ridden in a taxi
[x] Shoplifted
[ ] Been fired
[x] Ever had a crush on someone of the same sex-
[x] Had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
[ ] Stole something from your job
[ ] Gone on a blind date
[x] Lied to a friend
[x] Had a crush on a teacher
[ ] Celebrated mardigras in New Orleans
[ ] Been to Europe
[ ] Slept with a co-worker
[ ] Been married
[ ] Gotten divorced
[ ] Had children
[x] Saw someone dying
[ ] Been to Africa
[x] Driven over 400 miles in one day
[ ] Been to Canada
[x] Been to Mexico
[ ] Been on a plane
[x] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
[ ] Thrown up in a bar
[x] Eaten Sushi
[ ] Been snowboarding
[ ] Been Skiing
[x] Met someone in person from the internet
[ ] Been to a moto cross show
[ ]Lost a child
[ ] Gone to college
[ ] Graduated college
[x] Done hard drugs
[x] Taken painkillers (to kill pain....not oneself)
[ ] Had someone cheat on you
[x] Miss someone right now |
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| 0mg u guys ahve n0 idea h0w fuking happy i am |
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| 06:49pm 19/03/2005 |
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mood:  ecstatic
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0 w0w okay well t0day was a bit dramatic i thought my softball game was going to be canceled but my coach caled me at like 8 in the m0rning telling me that i had t0 be at the feild in an hour haha he didnt play me as catcher though cuz my leg is still badly strained technically i wasnt suposed to play on it but i did ne ways .. o well well ne ways we had a double header and we won our first game against cristina ..we l0st our sencond though.. it was a tiring day i l00ked like a retard i had pinktails and guess wh0 sh0wed up l0l ..? tony but it was okay i was there f0r like 9 hours t0day bla.. well ne ways wen tony came he t0ld me that his parents said i could g0 with them t0 palm springs ... i was scared to ask my m0m because like u kn0w i thought shed say n0
but omg she and my dad are like happy im going .. can u believe it they said yes
OGM IM S0 HAPPY FIVE WHOLE DAYS AND NIGHTS WITH THE SEXIEST GUY ON EARTH .. O WOW IM GOING TO LIKE RAPE HIM DURING THE NIGHT LOL
wow ususally though i cant be with peeps thagt long so i hope i dont get annoyed hehe and i hope he doesnt get scared when he sees me in the morning im not a very good morning person .. wow
i thought spring break was going to bl0w but wow im fuking so happy ..
i cant smoke for 5 days though isnt that crazy im going to eat like everything in sight and gain all my weight back but what ever
ogm i lvu luv luv my baby im going with him to palm springs omg im sooooooooooooooooo fuckign happy |
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| i feel like a god damn cripple |
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| 04:37pm 18/03/2005 |
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mood:  cold
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well well well today was like bla..it was fun but not at the same time.. aftersch00l was very well..fuking interesting to say the least a strange expirience..
though, the wh0le day at sch00l was lame i just stayed in the rotc r00m and then for like the other half of the day i was outside and it was raining .. and me and tony were like trying to take cover underneath the bleachers but yeah that wasnt very sucseeful.. ... though the most fuked up part of the day was finding out b00tcamp was cancled cuz of the rain .. my softball game is cancelled to .. i was suposed to have tw0 games tommorrow.. but the cancelation of the games is okay becasue i hurt myself really bad yesterday playing cather i pulled a muscle in the first inning but then i still played..we lost but i did manage to sc0re two out of our three runs..we lost becasue like we had to have substitute players and it bascially wasnt even a real game..
thats another reason today was gay .. lol i felt bad becasue tony had to carry me everywhere haha.. g0d i luv that boy with all my heart and hes going to be gone the whole damn vacation while i rot away at home with nuthing to do for a whole week..
today i had a physical but it was pointless becasue i got it for b00tcamp which in the end just got canceled but .. like i was in g00d health next week i have t0 have a pap smere though and im scared ..lol they want to put me on birth control lol isnt that weird well ne ways ... im outie
luv yas
ps..today was c0l and i was sick to .. damn tony u got me sick .. but its not like i could just u kn0w stay away from ur sexy lips lol
o yeah today was interesting becasue well me and tony well tony kn0ws why .. tony my ass hurts lol |
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| 05:21pm 16/03/2005 |
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mood:  aggravated music: alanis m0risette
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okay well i hear people say all the time things have t0 gte w0rse bef0re they can get better well the last tw0 days they have been has been as bad as they could p0ssibly be s0 .. n0w they better fuking get better.. im tired and i have t0 clean my r00m t0day was just such a fuking bad fuking day tony br0ke up with me becasue he d0esnt like what im d0ing but then he comes back t0 me after sch0l and begs me back and yeah what can i say i luv him s0 i t00k him back .. am i a f00l yeah maybe but tony has had faith in me and i believe in him t00 .. i understand why he did it but things just shouldnt have gone d0wn the way he did .. im s0 happy t0 be back together though .. ha i think im t0tally nieve and it bugs me becasue i always critize peeps that act the way i d0 .. i have been realizing lately that when it comes t0 tony im t0tally hipocritical.. i guess thats what luv d0es .. it f0gs ur mind .. .. melissa romella im s0 mad u wernt at sch00l f0r me t0day u guys suck and i had sumthing for u after sch00l but u never cam .. s0 that sux but what ever i lvu ya s0 much still but n0 m0re ditching ebacsue serisuoly r0mella when u saw me t0day couldnt u have seen that i was crying what ever th0gh its all g00d
g0t t0 g0 .. um .. d0 sumthing .. and then clean my r00m haha
0kay peace out ! y0
omg u kn0w just bef0re i g0 i want t0 say fuck u t0 brent and julian .. because ur n0t even in my lifes s0 ask ..yourselves this... d0 u even have the fuking right t0 be mad at me ..? i think n0t s0 shut ur fuking faces
brent i still love u with all my heart though |
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Read 8 - Post |
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| i know its long but please read this .. i need some help desperately |
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| 09:11pm 13/03/2005 |
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u know what i really need t0 get this 0ff my chest .. i know i should be probably writing it down in my own journal or sumthing instead of posting it on the internet for the whole public audience to see but o well .. here it goes i guess i need sum advice.. but please dont bother commenting if u dont relate becasue i dont just need random things like "o well itl be okay " i can tell myself that just tell me if u feel or ever felt like this;
well i dont know im not one to l00k for sympathy and im not trying to becasue all in all things are going alright in my life u know i think i have problems but then i here about people who get shot or get told by the doctor they have six months to live .. and then i realize that my problems dont compare to them ..
ive done alot of work on my self over the last couple of months ... if u knew be back when i was smoking pot and knew me now .. and im not talking about aquaintences im talking about really really knowing me like devin and melissa and cristina and tony and romella and ..a few other peeps do .. ud know like i know i am not a perfect angel and u know what im not aiming for that becasue ..ill never be perfect and ill never live up to everyones expectations but i have miproved alot..like my relationship with my mom has improved we talk and i tell her everything now.. liek sum times i want to smak her but thats only normal teenage daughter thigns not like before adn my grades ..there really g00d f0r me like im not exactly sure but i know last semester when i was doing srugs i had all f's no i have non and i have a's and b's i havent seen those letters on a report card since 6th grade... and i respect myself to ..before the things i was doing to myself was just sad like cutting and bla bla drugs bla bla.. it wasnt g00d i was angry at everyone and angry at myself most of all for being the way i was.. but i am not liek that ne more... and when i think about it i am truely proud of myself.. but then sumthign happens just a little thing ..that makes me feel like well i duno like all tats just out the window..
basically that was all just a set up for the advice i need...
mine and tony's relationship is at a complete stop... and i know he might read this and well baby if u do im sorry but becasue ur grounded i couldnt tell u first and i have to talk about it now before it drives me totally insane
i love that boy with every particle in my body.. its so weird becasue .. when i was with nick on and off for liek 9 months i thought i loved him but then when i really TRUELY MADLY fell in LOVE with tony i eralized i never loved nick i only wanted myself to believe i did so i conviced myself i was... But with tony its truely and completely 100 percent... even though im only 14 i know that i am totally capable of loveing him becaus e after the guys iv been with none of them compare to him .. he makes me feel luved...
but im am torn .....COMPLETLY JUST DYING AND TORN UP INSIDE ...iv given so much and put so much into the relationship and im so afraid no one will ever lv me the way he does .. that i dont want to let go ... and im not going to ....... i was really close tobreaking up with him today .. iv been thinking about it since like 11 oclock well actully since last night ..ever since he caled me upset.. and it t00k s0 much for him just to tell me whats was wrong .. and .. he was like crying.. and .. its not a bad thing the bad thign was i had to make him tell me for 2 hours i had to ask over and over what was wrong ... and becasue im workign so hard on myself ..i just dont have the energy or patience to deal with it .. if he wanted to call me crying everynight id listen and thatd be fine if he was straight forward.. but having him like cry and not say anythign hurts me .. and then IM COMPLETELY TORN BECASUE he puts guilt trips on me when i get a lil pissy he makes it into sum big thing and then goes on about he makes my life miserable.. when i tell him over and over again he is one of the only things i get up in the morning for...
im am totally devoted to him and i honestly deep down want to be with him forever ... weve planned our future together..weve been going out five months and i know that if he just makes a lil changes it can work .. but when i try to tell him he needs to change or sumthign he says hes not even worth changing becasues hes already fuked up in the past..
and for a fukign hour i told him the past is the past.. u cant change it only learn from it... your past helps mkae u yes .. i agree it makes u a stonger person in the end i tell him but he doesnt understand .. and i cant seem to make him ...like my past was fuked up when he went out with me he didnt know about my drug shit and mom shit and scyo shit .. and when he found out he didnt break up with me only an ass h0le would.. becasu eu know what a persons past does not matter..if there doing the right thing now.. and he is .. and he didnt even do ne thign wrong .. he's just upset over grades and when i told him the thing about me he agreed btu still he just went on .. yada yada yada..
im am torn becasue i dont know if i am going to have to give up the most important person in my life.. tony is liek the fuking glue thast keepign me together.. he believed in me and encouraged me ..when i said i was going to do better at thigns he believe in me like no one else di he dint take into consideration my past he knew me then .. and becasue of him i did become a better person..yeah ultiamtely it wasnt tony that made me change ..contrary to what sum may think..becasue i had to make that desison. we were give free will i could have ch0se to stay a fuck up.. but i dint and i couldhave done it with the help of no one btu it wouldnt have been this easy..and it wouldnt have lasted..
i am in love with him.. and iv tried taking breaks before but we never do becasue he guiltsme into thinking that he cant deal with one.. but i dont know if i can deal without one...i am not used tobeing treated the way tony treats me becasue all other guys just wanted me for was sex.. and im afraid to l00se that security becasue i know he will alwys love me .. and i will always love him..thats why i have decided not to break up.. becasue that would be to much for me.. becasue im to in LOVE and when u LOVE some one ..and im nto talking o yes luv u okay i luv ya to bullshit i mean true..LOVE u dont just leave sumoen... but i am torn( and i know im using that word alot but thats the onlything that can descridbe how i turely feel) i am cought becasue my mind is saying one thign and my hearts saying another and my body feels liek its trapped in a little soundproof box and im screamign and screaming but noe one gives a damn.. my heart knows he is great and will luv him till the day i die .. but my mind .. the rational mind of me says.. think abotu your future .. maybe a break right now is g00d becasue u can work onyourself..it doesnt have to be long ust longenough for tony to get over the thigns that irritae me so much ...
but it would hurt him and it would hurt me and then he woud think that i dont luv him and thats the farthest thing from the truth but beacsue im so inluv i rather take a short break now then .. keep living in this unhappy relationship.. and then break up ... he is not totally annoying he just is so needy and i can give him lots of attention but sometimes i need to just be in my own thoughts .. like i can be with him and not talk u know just cuddling but if i dont say sumthing he says why arnt u talking u dont luv me yada yada ..
so i guess im just going to stay up and think long and hard .. i really need to take a break .. ill never break up with him .. becasue i luv him to much.. but i need to clear my head.. ..
sum of u might think im being a bitch .. but u dont me that well beacsue the people who knew me before know that i treated myself like shit.. and i am just learning to love myself the way i should have so .. that alone is hard enough .. but like melissa said its like having a fly in your face... and shes right..a constans buzz in your ear ... and then when i think like that i feel like shit about my self .. like i know about thigns that happened to him no one does not even brent and to urt him would kill me but dont u think it would hurt him even more if we dint take a break and we broke up .. like indefinetly..later on..
i know i need to do this i just dont know how..... he means so much to me .. and in a way i wish i was never born adn he never met me ... so he could just live his life peacfully.. and find sumone esle who would make him happy ..
my god i know u probably didnt read all of this but if u did just tell me any suggestions.. like how i should say it or time length god just sh00t me lol |
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Read 9 - Post |
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| Rotten Oranges in the his..house..(omg i have way to much free time on my hands) |
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| 02:09pm 13/03/2005 |
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mood:  sore
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well well well ..hmm today was corney but actully fun in thoses family orientated ways..
my dad wanted to take me to the batting cages so we went .. i got my haircut and so did my mom ..(oh yeah she went with us lol but she didnt bat) well i warmer up on sum slow pitch shit but it was to easy so then i went and i hit 40 miles an hour baseballs and i hit like almost every one and i was like whoa becasue thats pretty fast considering i never fuking hit a baseball in my life(only softballs) .. well then after i did that i went down to the very end and i was like dad i want to do this one .. he was like i dont think u can do it becasue it was 60 miles an hour and like the girls who pitch in my divison can only pitch like 35 and i was like yeah i can .. and he was like okay and i fuking hit almost every single one i was so fuking proud lol .. i know none of u give a monkeys behind but its pretty c00l i needed to go and practice cuz i have a game thursday right after sch00l and freking 2 on saturday 3 in one week im going to die lol
thursday im playing cristinas team and on saturday to lol that should be quite interesting .. her team is probably going to beat our ass not becasue we all suck just becasue sum girls do. u know? and like now that cristinas gone there only like 4 g00d players left.. me justine kerry and ivy .. well im probably missing sum one but well no i think thats bout it .. but it'll be fun ne ways when i slide in to cristina or the other way around lol
after batting my mom wanted chinese food and i wasnt hungry but my dad was so they drove around like looking for it for like an hour ..because they couldnt just go ne where they had to go to this specific place ..lol and then ended up just going to wendy's my mom got mad becasue i wasnt hungry and said ..why arnt u eating and i was like i duno and she was liek what ever. and then sum lady gave me a wendys balloon.. its red.. hah i think i lost it though .. yes already ..hah my arm hurts
okay well thnx for listeing to me ramble..oh and i dont mean to sound like im braggin so if u think i am ur misinterpretating it im just proud lol |
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